This Black Sheep is Scaling Down

This Black Sheep is Scaling Down

10/20/2011

picture is from nmagine.com

My dad told me once when I was young that I was the black sheep of the family.

I assume it was because I was a little more out going than the rest of them.  I doubt he knew how I struggled and even though I was the black sheep of the family I was certainly shy in comparison to most.  

I remember at one point deciding I was going to fight past the nervousness and awkwardness and it was NOT easy.  I remember forcing myself to give a speech as captain of the basketball team and being so thoroughly embarrassed.  It certainly lacked "Awesomeness". 

I even received a thorough lecture from my first boss after making a big mistake at work causing a BIG, no, it was a Gigantic mess!!!!

Even though I'm not ready to share the details of this shame yet it involved the contents of the above picture. AAAAHHHH!  

 Anyway, after yelling at me for being so dense she proceeded to say how "stuck up" I was and that I walk around like I was "something".  I don't remember all the words she shared at me but it was clear she didn't know me at all.  My perceived "stuck up-ness" was really a shy teenager trying to work and not knowing what to say in a social setting.  You see, I would clam up when the boss came around; always very nervous.  Anyway, I tried to be better with that after that awful experience.  

Over the years I have become less shy, still stumbling over my words at times but being bolder

and more confident.  Presently, unfortunately, I have struggles with speaking too much.  I have to tell myself to listen more and speak less.  I never would have thought that was a possibility for me even as the family's black sheep.  

Now, I have a couple of reasons for writing mommycacher; reasons I shared in my first post.  I also have a different blog that I was writing for a more specific audience,specifically, women who belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  Ultimately, they accomplish the same thing; building up women and mothers.   I was keeping my personal religious thoughts out of mommycacher and  I realized for many reasons I wasn't being fair to myself or to any who might read; for you weren't truly getting to know me.  I'm going to Scale down my two blogs into one because, frankly, it'll be easier. 

O.k., that said,  I've been told that my excitement and convictions come across sometimes as "all knowing", while some of my children think that is true, I know that I'm struggling right along with you to find truth and treasures of wisdom.  My intentions are not to brag or spout superiority but will do my best to share who I am and what thoughts trigger my actions.  

As I do not have many posts I will copy the other blogs over.  They're quite similar with the same subjects even, but, my spiritual side comes out!  :)

With Love,

Black Sheep

oh! I mean

Mommycacher