I hope you enjoyed this video. I thought it was important to think about and apply.
What do you mean, Play "It" Safe? What is it anyway? "It" to me, for this blog, is teenage romance.
I know parents of elementary school age children who will take their child and their girlfriend/boyfriend on a date. I don't care how cute it is; It's very dangerous. It's dangerous because it is putting our kids on the path of climbing a relationship mountain too soon. My husband says, once the climb begins there is no stopping it. I remember one of my uncles teasing me when I was in 4th grade that so-and-so was my boyfriend and even asked if I had kissed him. Although, I don't think my Uncle thought he sent that message, I think our society in general encourages children and teenagers into a romantic relationship without even realizing they're doing it.
When I hear my children being asked who their boyfriend/girlfriend is by adults, I explain that my child is not encouraged to have that type of relationship yet but can be friends and are to pay attention to the characteristics of the guys/girls they associate with.
In our family our children hear about the topic of dating and relationships often but they get a formal introduction at the age of 8. It has been interesting to me the questions that have come up; Is it o.k. to have a crush or puppy love? Can I get married at 17 because I will have graduated high school. Why does so-and-so get to do that when they believe the same thing we do?
I think that the social norm is sometimes difficult to go against but sometimes I think we just don't understand that some of them are hurtful to our children. Here are two examples that I struggled with:
1.When my daughter turned 11 I found out she had a crush on someone. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. My husband was the one who made it known that he didn't feel it was appropriate. I didn't get it.
2. There are many fundraising dances at our elementary school for kindergarten through 6th grade. I thought that it wasn't good to have the young kids with the older kids but I didn't seem to have a problem with the dances for the older age group. My husband was very adamant about not letting our children go to dances until they were 14 (which is the age they attend dances at our church.). Our oldest child didn't turn 14 until she was in high school so she sat in the library or I went and picked her up early from school throughout her whole Jr. High Career. I had an issue with this. I felt like we were going to turn our kids into social outcasts. I thought the dances are just for fun, etc., etc. I decided to follow my husbands decision because he felt so strongly about it even though I was NOT happy about it. I'm usually the strict one but he was not budging.
A few months later I was in a bookstore and I felt very strongly about purchasing a particular book. For those of you familiar with my Faith; you'll understand when I say that it was inspiration. I read it eagerly and it changed my whole outlook and gave me an understanding that my husband already had. It is titled, "Unsteady- What Every Parent Absolutely Must Know About Teenage Romance." by JeaNette G. Smith. I tell everyone about this book. I do not loan it out because I refer back to it often. I feel that her words are sound and makes pure sense. I agree with the title, Every parent absolutely must know...
I get it now. I understand that there is a proper time for crushing. There is a proper time to encourage our kids to dance and to have exclusive relationships. My third child who just finished her first year in Jr. High without going to a single dance said to me, "Mom, I'm glad we don't go to dances until we are 14 because all the kids who go to the dances before then think the dances are boring by that time." That was an interesting thought.
As parents; of course, make your own decisions but consider the consequences of encouraging romance too soon. Play "It" Safe and encourage your children to climb the relationship mountain when it is appropriate.
.
